Well, there are worse places in Africa than Malongo. I have just discovered one of them. Where? An offshore 'Accomodation Barge' called Olympia. Why the fuck they called it Olympia I will never know. It should be called The Atlantic Asshole...or better yet just call it Shit. This place is worse than hell. And to think...I am here VOLUNTARILY to learn extra services. Who has rocks in their head? Thas right Julie does. I am skipping a bbq in Malongo as well...I am hoping karma points kick in and their food tastes like turd sandwiches for cooking it without me. Bite me. When I boarded the 'Smelly-Copter' this afternoon and was hit on by the Angolan pilot, I knew this would be an interesting trip. Aren't you glad you have a person like me in your life? To go through all these random mucked up experiences so that you can enjoy the stories that come from it? You should be, or you are an asshole.
As Lyndsay so kindly helped me remember...I am adding two more to the list of phrases to 'bring back' into everyone's vocab....
1. Ninja Drunk...like it, love it..definately need to get that way more often. Lyndsay and I have a 'Ninja Drunk' playdate for our 'alter egos' during the holiday season. Look out world, you are in for a fucking disaster.
2. One Hot Mess...or just Hot Mess for short. I was using this quite a bit to describe myself this summer. Example: I got Ninja Drunk one night whilst on vacation and then was a hot mess for the rest of the weekend. Said Hot mess included me sleeping ON THE FLOOR of a ferry...no further details will be revealed to protect the lives of the innocent.
Thank you pretty lady for reminding me of those 'terms' and helping me to re-instate them in my life and the lives of those around me.
I am going to go and fully enjoy my experience out here on Shit. Til When?
Besos,
Julz
November 16, 2009
November 13, 2009
Gonads and Strife
Hello My Neglected Blog Followers!! Eric I miss you!!!
I have definately been a flake lately...not just here but in other aspects of my life also :( I miss posting about random things and that is what I am about to do today!
First of all, there are three words that I believe should be used a little more in everyday life. I am making a point to use more of said words and 'bring them back' if you will.
1. Bitchin'...this is a great word that was used excessively in the early 90's and I believe should never have disappeared. It can be used to describe so many things. For example: 'I have a bitchin headache.' 'That concert was bitchin.' 'You look Bitchin in that outfit.' etc. etc.
2. Gonads...or nads for short. This word will bring a smile to almost any person's face and can be used in random fashion or to describe something you don't like. Example: When someone tells you that you have to do something shitty (at work or otherwise) you can say 'Gonads! I don't want to do that!' Gonads can also be used to describe a group of people you don't like 'they are a bunch of Gonads.' And finally it can be used as a reference to parts of the male genetalia 'kicked in the nads.'
3. Beans...I know this sounds really random but it is also a word with many applications. Can be used in many ways...'that person is "cool beans"'...when you enjoy something...'magic beans!' or you can just shout out 'Beans!' for no reason and you are bound to get a reaction from someone.
Lets make a point of using these words more often ok? Deal.
Beans!
Sorry couldn't resist. Anyways I haven't posted in here since July and since then I have learned many life lessons and had a great time doing it! Since my last post, I recovered from the "swine flu" (just in case you were worried about my health from my reference to it in the last post.
Moving forward...
I came back to work in July and believe it or not it was pretty uneventful. I got stung by an Angolan bee, didn't die and that is really all that happened with that. Was home for three weeks-ish in August and worked with Lor on our dance for the bellydance gala. I am surprised how much time we can spend together and still be friends, I am pretty sure we could even be married (and its legal in canada so you just never know...) Lorelei makes a great wife, not so sure on the lesbian part of it though. I also learned that hand sewing sequins sucks..GONADS!! I went to Fort Worth for a software course and learned some naughty portuguese swear words from the Brazilians in the class. These have come in very useful here at work :) Came home for Labour Day and video taped the dance gala audition in sub-zero evening temperatures...apparently I will do just about anything to bellydance. That was fucking cold, even with the hand flames!
Here is where things get interesting....
Just kidding. But I thought you might need some motivation to read further so I had to tell vicious lies. I came back to work at the beginning of September for what I will now refer to as 'the hitch from hell'. I went offshore for a CH job (nothing crazy just your average job) and I had a few minor problems which were blown way out of proportion by my two bosses on the 'B' management team. I learned a lot about myself and the work culture here in Angola. I learned just how badly someone can be demoralized without actually getting into trouble face to face. I also learned that in order to make yourself look good and appealing to management you have to talk shit about other people and fuck over your peers......something I am definately not interested in doing. All of this made me question my career and exactly what the fuck I am doing here. Did I find the answer? Hell no, but i needed a pay cheque so here I am. It definately made me change my attitude and helped me to understand some things about myself and others. I learned who will help me pull the knife out of my back and who will push it in deeper. I am quite naieve when it comes to that sort of thing as I try to see the good in everyone...not necessarily the best quality to have in a cuthroat industry.
Anyways, I survived 'hell hitch' and made it home in one piece...surprising since I got so fucking drunk on the plane i didn't know what to do with myself. I was freaking out that I was going to get in trouble when the plane landed in London...not exactly shure what I thought they could or would do to me but I was drunk and paranoid and it sucked. I was afraid to go pee because I thought I would fall on my face on the way to the lou. Eventually my bladder won that battle and all was well. Gin and Lemonade = the devil in a plastic airplane glass. Lessons learned: You can pass out and wake up with a hangover on the same flight...not pretty. I spent the month of October in its entirety working with Lorelei on our dance, putting the finishing touches on it and fine tuning my pyromania skills. The Gala was AWESOME and all the hard work paid off!
After the gala I drove to Calgary to stay with Megalicious because I am crazy like that. I had to be on a flight to Houston at 7 am and figured if I stayed in Red Deer and partied with the bellydance girls there was little to no chance I would make my flight. Houston sucked balls and was a complete waste of my time. The stupid GONADS who booked me in there should be punched in the face and given a rotten ham sandwich. I got some good shopping in and learned how to play a computer game called bejeweled. Really great way to spend days off i must say. I came back just in time for Halloween! Yay! I love Halloween!! What was I? RAINBOW BRITE. Yup rainbow fucking brite. I felt kind of old at Bo's when people were asking me what my costume was all about and then when I told them they would stare at me with a blank face. Everyone from the 80's knows rainbow brite unless they are retarded or homeless other than that no excuses.
Rainbow Brite (Pre drinking...it was more like Courtney Love/Rainbow Brite after the bar!!) With my faveorite cartoon character of all time...NINJA TURTLES!!
I got on the sauce a little heavy Halloween night and had a blast...however it sucked really really bad the next day as I had to fly back to work :( I don't think I will EVER do that again. Flying across the world is no fun, no fun at all. So here I am back in the deeper hotter quadrant of hell known as Malongo. I went offshore for a few days and excaped the madness...
The fate of my return to Canada lies with the Angolan immigration department which I am pretty sure is run by dancing monkeys who may or may not wear pants and drive cars. I am tyring not to let it get to me (by that I mean I am crying solid salt tears every night while I wait in agony for my beloved Canadian travel document)...and that brings us to now. I am sitting at my desk basking in the glory of someone elses farts...they are russian farts to be exact and I think maybe there were beans involved. I am sure you are tired of reading about my life..I know I am tired of writing about it. So that is all you get.
Bisou Bisou,
xxx
Yulia
I have definately been a flake lately...not just here but in other aspects of my life also :( I miss posting about random things and that is what I am about to do today!
First of all, there are three words that I believe should be used a little more in everyday life. I am making a point to use more of said words and 'bring them back' if you will.
1. Bitchin'...this is a great word that was used excessively in the early 90's and I believe should never have disappeared. It can be used to describe so many things. For example: 'I have a bitchin headache.' 'That concert was bitchin.' 'You look Bitchin in that outfit.' etc. etc.
2. Gonads...or nads for short. This word will bring a smile to almost any person's face and can be used in random fashion or to describe something you don't like. Example: When someone tells you that you have to do something shitty (at work or otherwise) you can say 'Gonads! I don't want to do that!' Gonads can also be used to describe a group of people you don't like 'they are a bunch of Gonads.' And finally it can be used as a reference to parts of the male genetalia 'kicked in the nads.'
3. Beans...I know this sounds really random but it is also a word with many applications. Can be used in many ways...'that person is "cool beans"'...when you enjoy something...'magic beans!' or you can just shout out 'Beans!' for no reason and you are bound to get a reaction from someone.
Lets make a point of using these words more often ok? Deal.
Beans!
Sorry couldn't resist. Anyways I haven't posted in here since July and since then I have learned many life lessons and had a great time doing it! Since my last post, I recovered from the "swine flu" (just in case you were worried about my health from my reference to it in the last post.
Moving forward...
I came back to work in July and believe it or not it was pretty uneventful. I got stung by an Angolan bee, didn't die and that is really all that happened with that. Was home for three weeks-ish in August and worked with Lor on our dance for the bellydance gala. I am surprised how much time we can spend together and still be friends, I am pretty sure we could even be married (and its legal in canada so you just never know...) Lorelei makes a great wife, not so sure on the lesbian part of it though. I also learned that hand sewing sequins sucks..GONADS!! I went to Fort Worth for a software course and learned some naughty portuguese swear words from the Brazilians in the class. These have come in very useful here at work :) Came home for Labour Day and video taped the dance gala audition in sub-zero evening temperatures...apparently I will do just about anything to bellydance. That was fucking cold, even with the hand flames!
Here is where things get interesting....
Just kidding. But I thought you might need some motivation to read further so I had to tell vicious lies. I came back to work at the beginning of September for what I will now refer to as 'the hitch from hell'. I went offshore for a CH job (nothing crazy just your average job) and I had a few minor problems which were blown way out of proportion by my two bosses on the 'B' management team. I learned a lot about myself and the work culture here in Angola. I learned just how badly someone can be demoralized without actually getting into trouble face to face. I also learned that in order to make yourself look good and appealing to management you have to talk shit about other people and fuck over your peers......something I am definately not interested in doing. All of this made me question my career and exactly what the fuck I am doing here. Did I find the answer? Hell no, but i needed a pay cheque so here I am. It definately made me change my attitude and helped me to understand some things about myself and others. I learned who will help me pull the knife out of my back and who will push it in deeper. I am quite naieve when it comes to that sort of thing as I try to see the good in everyone...not necessarily the best quality to have in a cuthroat industry.
Anyways, I survived 'hell hitch' and made it home in one piece...surprising since I got so fucking drunk on the plane i didn't know what to do with myself. I was freaking out that I was going to get in trouble when the plane landed in London...not exactly shure what I thought they could or would do to me but I was drunk and paranoid and it sucked. I was afraid to go pee because I thought I would fall on my face on the way to the lou. Eventually my bladder won that battle and all was well. Gin and Lemonade = the devil in a plastic airplane glass. Lessons learned: You can pass out and wake up with a hangover on the same flight...not pretty. I spent the month of October in its entirety working with Lorelei on our dance, putting the finishing touches on it and fine tuning my pyromania skills. The Gala was AWESOME and all the hard work paid off!
After the gala I drove to Calgary to stay with Megalicious because I am crazy like that. I had to be on a flight to Houston at 7 am and figured if I stayed in Red Deer and partied with the bellydance girls there was little to no chance I would make my flight. Houston sucked balls and was a complete waste of my time. The stupid GONADS who booked me in there should be punched in the face and given a rotten ham sandwich. I got some good shopping in and learned how to play a computer game called bejeweled. Really great way to spend days off i must say. I came back just in time for Halloween! Yay! I love Halloween!! What was I? RAINBOW BRITE. Yup rainbow fucking brite. I felt kind of old at Bo's when people were asking me what my costume was all about and then when I told them they would stare at me with a blank face. Everyone from the 80's knows rainbow brite unless they are retarded or homeless other than that no excuses.
Rainbow Brite (Pre drinking...it was more like Courtney Love/Rainbow Brite after the bar!!) With my faveorite cartoon character of all time...NINJA TURTLES!!
I got on the sauce a little heavy Halloween night and had a blast...however it sucked really really bad the next day as I had to fly back to work :( I don't think I will EVER do that again. Flying across the world is no fun, no fun at all. So here I am back in the deeper hotter quadrant of hell known as Malongo. I went offshore for a few days and excaped the madness...
The fate of my return to Canada lies with the Angolan immigration department which I am pretty sure is run by dancing monkeys who may or may not wear pants and drive cars. I am tyring not to let it get to me (by that I mean I am crying solid salt tears every night while I wait in agony for my beloved Canadian travel document)...and that brings us to now. I am sitting at my desk basking in the glory of someone elses farts...they are russian farts to be exact and I think maybe there were beans involved. I am sure you are tired of reading about my life..I know I am tired of writing about it. So that is all you get.
Bisou Bisou,
xxx
Yulia
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