Earthquakes and crazy snakes it has been AGES since I made a posting on my beloved blog.
Keeping it short to keep it real. 3 good things happened to me this week!! THREE WHOLE GOOD THINGS!!!
1. Hitler is no longer my boss. I actually did a little dance when that announcement was made. A victory dance...TOUCH DOWN IN THE END ZONE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
2. It is highly unlikely that I will have to set another wireline plug during my career in Malongo. After well over 100 of these little nasties the time has come for us to part ways. I also did a dance when I found that one out...this was more of a 'happy' dance.
3. I finally completed a FULL set of hanging leg raises (without the back pad....the real ones, legs straight).
Only one 'recordable' bad event happened: I finished Veronica Mars. Done forever. No more. Damn.
In other news, I started a new blog: (tracking my runs)
http://shesgottheruns.blogspot.com
Bisous,
Yulz
July 22, 2010
January 31, 2010
What if the whole world farted at once?....
....it would still smell better than here!!!
Crap. Still stuck out here on the Sedco 701. Pipe finally pulled free and it looks as though my dreams of Malongo might come true tomorrow avo. *Praying For Freedom!* This rig has great people and a great atmosphere but is absolutely mingin'! Sorry Darren but I fail to see how this rig could even be considered on your list of 'good rigs in Malongo'. I would hate to see the bad ones. I am convinced that someone is harbouring a dead body (or multiple bodies) in the bathroom on the lower accomodation level. The stench is so bad I have to hold my breath when I walk down the corridor. I submitted a 'safety card' on the rig that read: "bathroom on lower accomodation level smells as though a human body may possibly be decaying inside. Please send a team in to check all toilets and shower stalls and investigate the source of the stench." Hopefully that gets someone's attention.
If dead people in the bathroom isn't enough, there is a 'boot room' at the end of the hall just before going outside...picture this...a room, 34 years old...34 solid years of feet, 34 years of feet coming out of stinky, sweaty boots...half of those feet have not been washed for days...yeah, enough said. Thank god I have been blessed with a cold that comes complete with a blocked nose and deadened sense of smell or I might have actually died this week! Thus brings us to the conclusion of my rant.
Lessons Learned: When heading offshore, always take a FULL bottle of perfume and swimming nose plugs Also, it is advisable never to walk alone on the 701, as it is possible that someone is waiting in the shadows to kill you, dismember you and hide random body parts in the toilets.
Three blog posts in one week on the same rig...I wonder if the 'potential decaying human' was formerly the earthly form of my muse?
Crap. Still stuck out here on the Sedco 701. Pipe finally pulled free and it looks as though my dreams of Malongo might come true tomorrow avo. *Praying For Freedom!* This rig has great people and a great atmosphere but is absolutely mingin'! Sorry Darren but I fail to see how this rig could even be considered on your list of 'good rigs in Malongo'. I would hate to see the bad ones. I am convinced that someone is harbouring a dead body (or multiple bodies) in the bathroom on the lower accomodation level. The stench is so bad I have to hold my breath when I walk down the corridor. I submitted a 'safety card' on the rig that read: "bathroom on lower accomodation level smells as though a human body may possibly be decaying inside. Please send a team in to check all toilets and shower stalls and investigate the source of the stench." Hopefully that gets someone's attention.
If dead people in the bathroom isn't enough, there is a 'boot room' at the end of the hall just before going outside...picture this...a room, 34 years old...34 solid years of feet, 34 years of feet coming out of stinky, sweaty boots...half of those feet have not been washed for days...yeah, enough said. Thank god I have been blessed with a cold that comes complete with a blocked nose and deadened sense of smell or I might have actually died this week! Thus brings us to the conclusion of my rant.
Lessons Learned: When heading offshore, always take a FULL bottle of perfume and swimming nose plugs Also, it is advisable never to walk alone on the 701, as it is possible that someone is waiting in the shadows to kill you, dismember you and hide random body parts in the toilets.
Three blog posts in one week on the same rig...I wonder if the 'potential decaying human' was formerly the earthly form of my muse?
January 30, 2010
Feels Like the First Time
Since I spent ALL that time typing this...I decided to post it even if I do find the story a little boring and kind of old. If you too feel the same way, please keep all comments to yourself for risk of getting an angry Julie fist to your face. Thank you and good night.
Random Life Event Number 1, The First of Many
Welcome To Angola
As I have promised since the beginning I am going to share some of my random experiences before they get lost in my crazy head and I lose the details forever. Perhaps the most random and crazy experience of all was my first trip in to Angola...it is certainly one I won't forget and after reading this I am sure you won't forget it either.
Where should I begin? I left home eager to travel and start my new adventures in Angola on Tuesday August 12 at 5:00 am...I finally arrived in Malongo on Monday August 18 at 1:30 pm and not without a story or two to tell.
Tuesday August 12, Calgary Canada:
I left home to met Megz and Mande for an early morning cup of joe in my shiny new rental listening to some quality Calgary radio....guess who is playing Olympic basketball that very afternoon..? Angola and the USA Dream Team...what are the odds? Anyways, my morning THo's run ended up being somewhat of a tradition with Megz until that bitch moved her ugly ass to Vancouver :(
Thus begins my overseas adventure. I started out with a rather silly route, mainly because I am stupid and didn't research flights from Canada to Europe so instead of flying from Calgary to London direct, I flew from Calgary-TO-London. Off to a good start. Once I arrived in TO, I decided it was time to enjoy a few Canadian coldies before leaving the country for 28 days. Looking back, I should have stayed off the sauce until at least my second trip but hind sight is always 20-20 and I got wasted instead. I ended up sitting beside a really drunk Iranian fellow who was quite chatty. Turns out we were on the same flight...and he was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME. At the time I thought this was a great idea, he was interesting and seemed to be alright. Wrong. Very Bad Idea. Julie makes very poor choices under the influence. Once we boarded he started getting all creepy and was even leaning over into my seat to watch MY television. I ended up finding a free seat at the back of the plane and moved once he passed out (almost in my lap).
Lessons Learned: Don't sit and drink your face off in any airport with an Iranian....and If it seems like a good idea after a few beers it probably isn't.
Wednesday August 13, London UK:
My adventures in the UK were sub par at best. I did a little sight seeing...took a nap and a shower and set out for the REAL adventure...Africa.
Thursday/Friday August 14-15 Johannesburg SA:
I managed to avoid crazy people on the flight from London to Jo'burg and sat beside a very nice lady who gave me some tips on what to see and do during my two day stay. At this point I did not have a visa for Angola and was told to wait it out in Johannesburg until the paperwork came my way. SCORE. I arrived at the hotel exhausted and excited for the adventures awaiting me. First things first, napping is important. After I was rejuvinated and cleaned up, I headed to the pub for a few pints before deciding on my next adventure....this turned out to be the smartest move I made throughout this whole adventure (turns out not ALL ideas that surface under the influence are bad ones). I was sitting by myself in the lounge watching Canada lose in Olympic Volleyball (shocking) when a group of young men walked in and asked to change the channel. I commented 'yeah, sure...its not like we were going to win a freaking medal anyway' and the rest is history. They were American salesmen in pharmaceuticals and were in Johannesburg for a conference. This ended up translating into All Expense Paid African Adventure for Julie. They invited me to their table, paid for my drinks and dinner (I even tried to get my tab sent to my room but they wouldn't hear of it) and took me out to the bar. I must say I had a blast!! The next day they invited me to join them on a safari tour at the Lion Park. To date (keep in mind I had not yet been to the Masai Mara) it was one of the coolest adventures I had been on....we saw lions, cheetahs, water buffalo, zebras, rhinos...all in the comfort of a safari jeep! We did a cave tour (pretty cool for the geology rock nerd that had somehow disappeared since college) and then a trip to the zoo where I got to pet baby lions!! I was scared TO DEATH of the baby lions of course but the pictures were pretty cool. We went out to the casino afterward and even sang karaoke...pretty good considering I was travelling on my way to work!
Lessons Learned: Being a social butterfly has its benefits, however you still need to be choosy on who you befriend (see lessons learned from Toronto).
Saturday August 16, Luanda Angola:
I woke up bright and early Saturday morning with a slight hangover headache and a heart full of excitement. I was FINALLY there...starting what I have always wanted to do....my international oilfield career. My excitement would soon falter and be replaced by dread and then fear but I will get to that part in due time. The plane left Johannesburg and in the next 3 hours I realized that things were going to be very chaotic. People were not listening to the flight attendants, there was some yelling, seat switching, standing up during the taxi on the runway...things that uncivilzed folk would attempt. I really should have clued in that things were awry at this point but obviously I am not the sharpest tool in the box.
When we landed everyone started RUNNING into the airport in Luanda. I didn't quite understand why until I got inside. There were 300 people waiting in line for ONE man to view yellow fever certificates and stamp their entry card. I should have walked back out and jumped right back on the same plane to Johannesburg!! I followed suit and got my paper stamped rather quickly. When I got to the immigration officer he took my passport and STV paperwork, pointed to the corner and said 'WAIT'. Not exactly the most comforting feeling I have ever had. I waited...and waited....and waited...no passport. 1 hour, 2 hours..the group of people waiting in the corner was getting smaller and smaller....the stack of passports was getting smaller and smaller...but mine never seemed to be a part of that stack. I was starting to silently panick when I heard someone say 'Malongo??' Like a watch dog my ears perked up and I followed the voice. It was coming from a CABGOC security officer...and he was looking at me!! He asked me if I was going to Malongo...Yes sir, I am going to Malongo! Then he asked where my passport was. Shit. I knew you were going to ask that. So I shrugged my shoulders and pointed at immigration. His response was enough to send me into cardiac arrest....'sorry plane is leaving'. WHAT?!! I should have punched him but I couldn't move. Leaving without me. Now what? Fuck.
I finally got my passport back, of course it was the last one....typical Julie luck. I was on my own and basically getting thrown out of the airport. For some reason, I thought that by acting strong and showing no fear I would somehow do better but I realize now that I should have started crying like a baby and everyone would have jumped to help me!! I was shaking like a leaf but trying to show no fear on my face what-so-ever...real effective I am sure. I was doing ok...GI JANE, Girl Power...until I walked outside the airport. Instantly mauled by taxi drivers. Come with me Menina...I know where you are going...Taxi, taxi, taxi....Fuck that shit. No deal. I turned around and walked right back inside the door to the airport. I would rather go to jail than be cut up into little bits and rot in the trunk of a taxi!! (I am definately going to stop reading the People Magazine horror stories about abductions etc. during my next visit to the chairopractor). My fearless defense was slowly breaking down. What the hell was I going to do? No cell phone, no internet, nothing. I stood inside the door and prayed for someone to help me. Prayer answered, Thank you God. An Angolan police officer with a rather intimmidating gun asked me what I was doing and I told him I was lost and mumbled something about Malongo.
The long and short of it, he eventually called the Halliburton guys to come and get me. Great. Except the Halliburton guys couldn't identify themselves as Halliburton. They wanted me to get into a 'pedophile van' you know the ones with no windows except the two little ones at the back? The image of me peeking out through those as I was being hauled off somewhere ugly flashed through my head (once again, no more People Magazine horror stories in the comfort of the doctor's office).....decision made....DO NOT GET IN THE VAN JULIE. So I refused to get in the van. Pretty sure everyone was ready to knock me out at this point!! In the end (after demanding to speak with an 'American' from Halliburton on the telephone), I got in the van and nobodoy tried to cut me into pieces.
Lessons Learned: Too many to list, see above two paragraphs to decipher said lessons yourself!
Saturday/Sunday August 16-17 2008, Luanda Angola:
Staff House 6. A place that I will always remember. A place that will always make me uncomfortable. I arrived at the staff house shattered and exhausted. The drivers (who I later learned are the Halliburton travel guys) helped me get settled. I walked in the room and noticed someone elses things....I was told not to worry that the gentleman who normally occupied the room was offshore. How wrong they were. I was so tired I decided to have a shower and take a nap before dinner. I climbed into bed in my underwear and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. What's that?!...Who's that?!...What the hell are you doing in my bed?! Apparently the occupant of 'my' room thought the lovely blonde in his bed was a birthday gift! Not gonna happen here folks! I screamed, jumped out of bed (wrapped in the blanket of course) and immediately started cussing! I found myself staring at a 50 year old man (nationality witheld). I asked him what the hell he was doing there and he responded that this was in fact his room. Yes, I know this is your room but seriously, can't you think of a better way to wake a sister up??! I don't want to get into any further details, still ugly for me to recall...the long and short of it: I got my own room (of which I locked myself in for 24 hours straight!!), said gentleman no longer works for Halliburton and I finally got some rest. I was rescued the next day by the American logging co-ordinator and was able to have a meal and call home (search and rescue were almost dispatched with my lack of communication!!). I would be on my way to Malongo in the morning.
Lessons Learned: Door locks are a necessity while staying in a staffhouse. Do not assume that just because the door is closed and you have the key inside that the door is locked...always check these things or you never know who might end up in your bed!! As annoying as it might be, sometimes the 'American' accent is the most comforting sound in the whole world.
Monday August 18 2008, Malongo, Cabinda Angola:
Finally here folks. I caught the plane from the stinkiest airport I have ever been in...I kept looking around for the bathroom as I thought a toilet seemed like a logical source for the stench! I made it to Malongo after only one week of travel and although I was slightly shattered my experiences since have made up for it. I am honestly surprised I didn't turn around and go home after everything...but what kind of a story would that be? My first hitch is another story in itself...pretend camping...giant spider in my bed...first job offshore...all in due time folks, all in due time.
That took WAY too long for me to post (and even longer to read I am sure....complain and i will see to it that you never have sunshine again!!).
Nighty Night,
JULZ
Random Life Event Number 1, The First of Many
Welcome To Angola
As I have promised since the beginning I am going to share some of my random experiences before they get lost in my crazy head and I lose the details forever. Perhaps the most random and crazy experience of all was my first trip in to Angola...it is certainly one I won't forget and after reading this I am sure you won't forget it either.
Where should I begin? I left home eager to travel and start my new adventures in Angola on Tuesday August 12 at 5:00 am...I finally arrived in Malongo on Monday August 18 at 1:30 pm and not without a story or two to tell.
Tuesday August 12, Calgary Canada:
I left home to met Megz and Mande for an early morning cup of joe in my shiny new rental listening to some quality Calgary radio....guess who is playing Olympic basketball that very afternoon..? Angola and the USA Dream Team...what are the odds? Anyways, my morning THo's run ended up being somewhat of a tradition with Megz until that bitch moved her ugly ass to Vancouver :(
Thus begins my overseas adventure. I started out with a rather silly route, mainly because I am stupid and didn't research flights from Canada to Europe so instead of flying from Calgary to London direct, I flew from Calgary-TO-London. Off to a good start. Once I arrived in TO, I decided it was time to enjoy a few Canadian coldies before leaving the country for 28 days. Looking back, I should have stayed off the sauce until at least my second trip but hind sight is always 20-20 and I got wasted instead. I ended up sitting beside a really drunk Iranian fellow who was quite chatty. Turns out we were on the same flight...and he was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME. At the time I thought this was a great idea, he was interesting and seemed to be alright. Wrong. Very Bad Idea. Julie makes very poor choices under the influence. Once we boarded he started getting all creepy and was even leaning over into my seat to watch MY television. I ended up finding a free seat at the back of the plane and moved once he passed out (almost in my lap).
Lessons Learned: Don't sit and drink your face off in any airport with an Iranian....and If it seems like a good idea after a few beers it probably isn't.
Wednesday August 13, London UK:
My adventures in the UK were sub par at best. I did a little sight seeing...took a nap and a shower and set out for the REAL adventure...Africa.
Thursday/Friday August 14-15 Johannesburg SA:
I managed to avoid crazy people on the flight from London to Jo'burg and sat beside a very nice lady who gave me some tips on what to see and do during my two day stay. At this point I did not have a visa for Angola and was told to wait it out in Johannesburg until the paperwork came my way. SCORE. I arrived at the hotel exhausted and excited for the adventures awaiting me. First things first, napping is important. After I was rejuvinated and cleaned up, I headed to the pub for a few pints before deciding on my next adventure....this turned out to be the smartest move I made throughout this whole adventure (turns out not ALL ideas that surface under the influence are bad ones). I was sitting by myself in the lounge watching Canada lose in Olympic Volleyball (shocking) when a group of young men walked in and asked to change the channel. I commented 'yeah, sure...its not like we were going to win a freaking medal anyway' and the rest is history. They were American salesmen in pharmaceuticals and were in Johannesburg for a conference. This ended up translating into All Expense Paid African Adventure for Julie. They invited me to their table, paid for my drinks and dinner (I even tried to get my tab sent to my room but they wouldn't hear of it) and took me out to the bar. I must say I had a blast!! The next day they invited me to join them on a safari tour at the Lion Park. To date (keep in mind I had not yet been to the Masai Mara) it was one of the coolest adventures I had been on....we saw lions, cheetahs, water buffalo, zebras, rhinos...all in the comfort of a safari jeep! We did a cave tour (pretty cool for the geology rock nerd that had somehow disappeared since college) and then a trip to the zoo where I got to pet baby lions!! I was scared TO DEATH of the baby lions of course but the pictures were pretty cool. We went out to the casino afterward and even sang karaoke...pretty good considering I was travelling on my way to work!
Lessons Learned: Being a social butterfly has its benefits, however you still need to be choosy on who you befriend (see lessons learned from Toronto).
Saturday August 16, Luanda Angola:
I woke up bright and early Saturday morning with a slight hangover headache and a heart full of excitement. I was FINALLY there...starting what I have always wanted to do....my international oilfield career. My excitement would soon falter and be replaced by dread and then fear but I will get to that part in due time. The plane left Johannesburg and in the next 3 hours I realized that things were going to be very chaotic. People were not listening to the flight attendants, there was some yelling, seat switching, standing up during the taxi on the runway...things that uncivilzed folk would attempt. I really should have clued in that things were awry at this point but obviously I am not the sharpest tool in the box.
When we landed everyone started RUNNING into the airport in Luanda. I didn't quite understand why until I got inside. There were 300 people waiting in line for ONE man to view yellow fever certificates and stamp their entry card. I should have walked back out and jumped right back on the same plane to Johannesburg!! I followed suit and got my paper stamped rather quickly. When I got to the immigration officer he took my passport and STV paperwork, pointed to the corner and said 'WAIT'. Not exactly the most comforting feeling I have ever had. I waited...and waited....and waited...no passport. 1 hour, 2 hours..the group of people waiting in the corner was getting smaller and smaller....the stack of passports was getting smaller and smaller...but mine never seemed to be a part of that stack. I was starting to silently panick when I heard someone say 'Malongo??' Like a watch dog my ears perked up and I followed the voice. It was coming from a CABGOC security officer...and he was looking at me!! He asked me if I was going to Malongo...Yes sir, I am going to Malongo! Then he asked where my passport was. Shit. I knew you were going to ask that. So I shrugged my shoulders and pointed at immigration. His response was enough to send me into cardiac arrest....'sorry plane is leaving'. WHAT?!! I should have punched him but I couldn't move. Leaving without me. Now what? Fuck.
I finally got my passport back, of course it was the last one....typical Julie luck. I was on my own and basically getting thrown out of the airport. For some reason, I thought that by acting strong and showing no fear I would somehow do better but I realize now that I should have started crying like a baby and everyone would have jumped to help me!! I was shaking like a leaf but trying to show no fear on my face what-so-ever...real effective I am sure. I was doing ok...GI JANE, Girl Power...until I walked outside the airport. Instantly mauled by taxi drivers. Come with me Menina...I know where you are going...Taxi, taxi, taxi....Fuck that shit. No deal. I turned around and walked right back inside the door to the airport. I would rather go to jail than be cut up into little bits and rot in the trunk of a taxi!! (I am definately going to stop reading the People Magazine horror stories about abductions etc. during my next visit to the chairopractor). My fearless defense was slowly breaking down. What the hell was I going to do? No cell phone, no internet, nothing. I stood inside the door and prayed for someone to help me. Prayer answered, Thank you God. An Angolan police officer with a rather intimmidating gun asked me what I was doing and I told him I was lost and mumbled something about Malongo.
The long and short of it, he eventually called the Halliburton guys to come and get me. Great. Except the Halliburton guys couldn't identify themselves as Halliburton. They wanted me to get into a 'pedophile van' you know the ones with no windows except the two little ones at the back? The image of me peeking out through those as I was being hauled off somewhere ugly flashed through my head (once again, no more People Magazine horror stories in the comfort of the doctor's office).....decision made....DO NOT GET IN THE VAN JULIE. So I refused to get in the van. Pretty sure everyone was ready to knock me out at this point!! In the end (after demanding to speak with an 'American' from Halliburton on the telephone), I got in the van and nobodoy tried to cut me into pieces.
Lessons Learned: Too many to list, see above two paragraphs to decipher said lessons yourself!
Saturday/Sunday August 16-17 2008, Luanda Angola:
Staff House 6. A place that I will always remember. A place that will always make me uncomfortable. I arrived at the staff house shattered and exhausted. The drivers (who I later learned are the Halliburton travel guys) helped me get settled. I walked in the room and noticed someone elses things....I was told not to worry that the gentleman who normally occupied the room was offshore. How wrong they were. I was so tired I decided to have a shower and take a nap before dinner. I climbed into bed in my underwear and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. What's that?!...Who's that?!...What the hell are you doing in my bed?! Apparently the occupant of 'my' room thought the lovely blonde in his bed was a birthday gift! Not gonna happen here folks! I screamed, jumped out of bed (wrapped in the blanket of course) and immediately started cussing! I found myself staring at a 50 year old man (nationality witheld). I asked him what the hell he was doing there and he responded that this was in fact his room. Yes, I know this is your room but seriously, can't you think of a better way to wake a sister up??! I don't want to get into any further details, still ugly for me to recall...the long and short of it: I got my own room (of which I locked myself in for 24 hours straight!!), said gentleman no longer works for Halliburton and I finally got some rest. I was rescued the next day by the American logging co-ordinator and was able to have a meal and call home (search and rescue were almost dispatched with my lack of communication!!). I would be on my way to Malongo in the morning.
Lessons Learned: Door locks are a necessity while staying in a staffhouse. Do not assume that just because the door is closed and you have the key inside that the door is locked...always check these things or you never know who might end up in your bed!! As annoying as it might be, sometimes the 'American' accent is the most comforting sound in the whole world.
Monday August 18 2008, Malongo, Cabinda Angola:
Finally here folks. I caught the plane from the stinkiest airport I have ever been in...I kept looking around for the bathroom as I thought a toilet seemed like a logical source for the stench! I made it to Malongo after only one week of travel and although I was slightly shattered my experiences since have made up for it. I am honestly surprised I didn't turn around and go home after everything...but what kind of a story would that be? My first hitch is another story in itself...pretend camping...giant spider in my bed...first job offshore...all in due time folks, all in due time.
That took WAY too long for me to post (and even longer to read I am sure....complain and i will see to it that you never have sunshine again!!).
Nighty Night,
JULZ
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